Perhaps...

I'm having one of those nights. You know, those nights that for whatever reason you cannot think of anything other than the future and all of its options. The what ifs. I get like this sometimes. Not too often but occasionally. Usually I wouldn't blog in this state. I wait until I regain composure, because I will. I always do. Maybe even by morning. It never lasts long. I'll freak out for a couple hours or a couple days max and then I remember that God is in control and its all worked out so far so I need to quit worrying and enjoy the journey. And then I feel content. And then I sleep peacefully. But I'm not there yet.

Today I cannot stop thinking. And thinking. And thinking.

I guess for some reason I just needed to share that tonight. Maybe you're up too and you're thinking and/or worrying about the future. Perhaps we can say a prayer for each other? Would that be alright? I'll say a prayer for you and maybe you could say one for me too. Perhaps we'll wake up in the morning ready to take on the day. We'll feel refreshed and reassured. We'll have stopped worrying and remembered to just breathe.

...Perhaps.

I am not an appendix.

Every Tuesday morning at NCC we have an all staff meeting. Well...meeting might be a bit strong, it is more like an all staff gathering. Honestly its one of my favorite parts of the week. The entire staff stops what they are doing to come together and share what has been happening in the past week. There is no agenda or official minutes, but I sometimes come out of those meetings feeling like more was accomplished in that last half hour than in any of the official "meetings" I have had at other jobs.

Each week one staff member shares a short devotional during the meeting. This past Tuesday was my turn. Now let me remind you...I am on staff at a church. A church. Full of pastors. Pastors that are great at what they do. Great thinkers and communicators that know a ton more about the Bible than I ever have. I work in the coffeehouse. So what in the world was I possibly going to share with this group of people? What could I have to say that would make an ounce of difference to any of them? It's not that I thought that they would be sitting there booing me, because these are beautiful, kind people. But what if I got one of those terrible to pronounce Bible names or places? What if my interpretation was weak or kind-of a stretch? What if I just didn't communicate well?

The Biblical metaphor that has always resonated with me, is the idea that we are the body of Christ. If we are a "body," then we all have a role. A distinct separate role, that can all work together for a common goal. No one part is better than another. Each is separate yet united. I love this idea. I love it, but I became aware this week that I am not sure that I fully believe it.

When faced with sharing this devotional, I felt like I was sharing to a roomful of lungs, hearts and brains of the body. I was a mere appendix. Not really that useful at all and really not of much value to the entire body. Shoot, I know numerous people that have had theirs removed and they don't even feel a difference now that its gone. I felt like an appendix.

But I was still required to share a devotional with these vital organs, so I did. I changed my topic a couple of times before landing on the thing that was closest to my heart. I shared on a topic that I am passionate about and I shared as honestly as I could. To my surprise as I spoke and I looked around, not to see the room full of people I feel are smarter and more spiritual than myself judging me for skipping the hard to pronounce words from the Bible references, but to see smiles and nods. They were listening. To me.

When I finished, I felt like God showed me something. I was not an appendix after all. The point of that metaphor is not to seek out the most useless organ and identify with that, but instead to understand that we are all vital organs. Throughout the day I had people I really respect tell me they appreciated what I had to say and how I said it. I don't say this to boost my own ego but to say that God is teaching me that we all are vital. We all have a voice. Even me. I am not an appendix. Neither are you.

Midterms

I am not particularly fond of midterm exams but I do like the idea of periodically assessing how much I have learned. Since as of this very moment I have lived in DC for six months, four hours and 42 minutes (approximately), I thought I would share some things I have learned over this last six months. Some of these things have been life changing, some not so much. Some are deeply spiritual and am sure you will be impressed with me, others...not so much. I'm just kidding...I'm sure you'll be impressed with all the things I have learned.

Here are twelve of the things I've learned so far (in no particular order and certainly not exhaustive):

1. I love Greek yogurt. No seriously. Something changed the first time I ever tried Fage with honey. I honestly look forward to my daily yogurt. I may have a problem.

2. Walking to work can actually be really great. At first the thought of walking almost two miles to and and from work every day seemed daunting but now I actually find it rather relaxing. When I don't walk for a few days I feel myself craving a good stroll. It has also has led to the next thing I've learned.

3. People in DC are surprisingly nice. I rarely walk down the street without someone saying hello. While these are occasionally hellos from the passenger side of some guys best friend's ride (TLC anyone?) more often than not they are genuine hellos from people just passing down the street. Perhaps it has something to do with being further south then New York so people are just nicer but I find it quite refreshing and rather surprising.

4. While DC definitely has a segment of the population that classifies as the power hungry politician type, for the most part that is not the norm. Most of the people I have encountered are actually quite young (newly graduated from college) and idealistic. They are people that have come here because they have deep convictions and actually want to make a difference. They are a lot more like me than I would have ever wanted to admit before. As someone that is often rather cynical of both politics and politicians, I have found this very encouraging.

5. I have learned to navigate the DC Metro system. Public transportation was totally new to me, but it is something I've come to really appreciate about DC.

6. No one sounds good when singing with headphones in. I'm pretty sure I knew this before I came to DC but as a direct result of learning the Metro system, I am reminded of this fact daily and am sure I will not be soon to forget.

7. Don't leave your trunk open and unattended or some jerk may steal your toiletry bag.

8. Karaoke can actually be quite fun and not nearly as terrifying as I may have once imagined.

9. Great lessons can come from some surprising places. Being surrounded with such amazing teachers and communicators I had assumed that one of my most important lessons would stemmed from one of their teachings. It has come, however from a middle aged homeless man named Vondell. Vondell has been such an inspiration to me. Through him I have gotten to see God work in amazing ways. Not only did God provide housing for him, but just before that He provided a way for Vondell to go on missions trip to Jamaica to minister to others. Watching him light up as he told me that he was able to help others was not only inspiring but humbling. I could probably go on for quite awhile about the impact Vondell has had on me. Perhaps I will write more about him later. In the mean time, stop by Ebenezers and I will introduce you to him and you'll see first hand what I mean.

10. Landlords will come quickly if you say that it is raining...in your living room.

11. I've learned what calling an audible in football is. (That one is for my fellow proteges.)

12. I really don't know much at all. I have my masters degree and I think I have never felt more sure of how little I actually know about the world and about God as I do now. I am part of a small group that is discussing the basics of theology and it has succeeded in reminding me how little I actually know about God. But while I still have so much to learn about Him, He is still willing to guide me and use me. That is rather humbling...but I suppose learning humility may not be a bad thing. Perhaps in six months humility will be on the top of my list of things I've learned.

Four Months

I have officially been in Washington, DC for four months now. That's crazy to really think about. In some ways it feels so much longer than that; in others it seems like just yesterday that I loaded my Yaris and my iPod and headed South.

People are often asking me what I plan to do after the Protege Program ends in August. In some ways I feel like this is something that I should be worrying about more than I actually am. The truth is, I really have no idea. I know what I'd like to do, but in actuality have no real plan for September 2011. I know that should stress me out. I mean, it is nine months away. In the past it would have. But if I learned in anything in 2010 it was that sometimes having no plan is the best plan of all.

I have been thinking a lot about last year this week. A year ago, I was living in West Virginia and was feeling a bit frustrated. I had absolutely no idea of where I would be in a year. Actually living in DC wasn't even on the radar a year ago. I had sort-of given up on the idea and decided it was time to be responsible and truthfully as much as I loved DC and the ministry I knew was happening here, I was afraid. The idea of moving somewhere alone so far from anyone or anything I knew, was terrifying. Odd isn't it? Odd that God continually gets me to the exact place He wants me to be despite my fears and my own stubbornness.

So 2010 ended up being a crazy ride that felt more like a decade than 12 months. In the course of those 12 months, I lived in three states, worked four different jobs, and completed my masters degree. 2010 had some really great moments. It also had some really rough moments. I was thinking about doing a top ten of 2010 but I'm not really sure where to start, it may have to be a top 20. Maybe I will work on that in the next couple of days. Anyway, if in just a few short months I can go from deciding I am not even going to try to move somewhere to living there and loving every moment of it, I cannot imagine what this next year will hold.

While I am not really the resolution type I often pick a theme for the upcoming year to focus on in each area of my life. This year that theme is discipline, as I feel that self discipline is a principle that I can apply to many areas of my life, financially, spiritually, physically, etc.

There is another theme that seems to be emerging as well.

Hope. 2011 will be a year of hope. So next year at this time, who knows what I'll be doing but I am hopeful because I know God does have a plan in spite of my own stupidness and insecurities. He has proven that in the past and I know that will also be true for the future.

So here's to 2011 and to having no plan at all! :)

Christmas/ New Year Update

I’m not sure even where to begin with this entry. I just reread the letter I mailed to some of you before I moved to DC just a couple of months ago. It seems crazy because that seems like forever ago, not three months. So here I am curled up in a chair in the office at work. I feel like there is so much to tell you since my last letter, I cannot figure out where to begin.

I suppose I could start with what I have been doing for three months. Well, I hit the ground running. I arrived here at 4pm on a Wednesday and started my new position here at National Community Church at 9am the next morning, and its been a whirlwind ever since. My position is split between a few different areas. I work as a shift supervisor part time at Ebenezers (the coffeehouse the church owns). The rest of my time I work with the events that happen here at Ebenezers that range from concerts and poetry nights to luncheons with political figures. I’ve gotten to do some pretty incredible stuff. In October I had the opportunity to go to Atlanta with the NCC staff for a leadership conference and in November we all went up to Baltimore for a couple days to pray and plan for the next year.

I am living in a gorgeous row house with five other girls about two miles from work. They are great and I could not feel more blessed with my living arrangements. Seriously. I know at first that sounds like a lot of girls in one space but it has been such a blessing. They are really fantastic and each brings something really special to our house.

The people I have met here are also amazing. From the moment I arrived I have been blessed with nothing but hospitality and open arms. I knew people would be “nice” but I had no idea how welcoming and great everyone would be. These are people I would have chosen to be my friends and I get to work and do ministry with them. How amazing is that?

Over the next year I will be working on some projects for Ebenezers that really suit my passions. My direct supervisors have been great at allowing me to be a part of things that really interest me. Since my heart is really focused on the “coffee with a cause” side of Ebenezers, most of my projects will be focusing on how Ebenezers gives back to the community. This will involve not only finding ways to highlight those efforts but also finding new original ways to positively impact our neighbors, both locally and internationally.

I also want to let you know that it is not too late to help get involved. I will be in this position until the end of August, so additional support would be greatly appreciated. First, I would like to ask for your continued prayers. Thus far, your prayers have been felt and I appreciate that more than I can express. Also, I would like to invite you to help support me financially. Aside from my time working the floor of the coffeehouse, my position is unpaid. Would you please consider either supporting me over these next few months or with a one-time gift?

As a way to raise some additional funds, I have also begun selling Avon products. I chose Avon because people can make purchases from my website and have their items mailed directly to their homes. Avon also has a variety of products so there really is something for everyone. Please consider making a purchase from my website (www.youravon.com/hcorsi), to not only support me but to get a little something for yourself as well!

I know that God is doing some truly awesome things here in DC and I feel so blessed to be a part of this. Please consider being a part of this as well. If you aren’t already, you can also follow my experience on this blog and twitter to keep up to date on this adventure! Thank you for being a part of my life! I cannot wait to see where 2011 takes all of us!

With love,

Heather

Avon: www.youravon.com/hcorsi

Blog: http://randomthoughtshmc.blogspot.com

twitter: heathercorsi

email: hmcorsi@gmail.com

Bangs

So today was my first day back to work after the craziness of the holidays. I had several people stop and ask, "Is there something different about you?" "Did you cut your hair?" or "What's different?"

Bangs. That's what's different. I left with long misshapen sorry excuses for bangs and returned with properly formed bangs. But that answer didn't seem to satisfy the people asking. They assumed there was something else. I assured them that I only had a haircut no Christmas plastic surgery. As I thought about it though, I realized that there was something (besides my new bangs) different about me today. For the first time in awhile, I felt content.

It's not that I haven't felt content for quite awhile now but I think I've been too busy to notice. Today...I noticed. It started when I was driving back to DC last night. The past couple weeks have contained more hours of driving than I would have liked but last night my drive felt different. As I got closer to home I expected to feel a bit of the inevitable dread that usually comes when ending vacation and resuming real life. Instead, I felt excited and peaceful. I was home. And I was thoroughly looking forward to returning to work. It had been a really long time since I felt like that. That same excitement continued as I got ready for work and even as I walked to work. Weird.

I started to notice some of this just before I went home for the holidays. I was feeling a tad homesick. But as I thought about it, I realized that really I just missed my family and friends. Home no longer felt the same as it once did. I used to long for a particular place, but now the word "home" had a different definition to me. The song "I'll be home for Christmas" had a new meaning for me this year. "Home" is my family. Places are great but they are not what I long for when I've a had a rough day. While I believe that as I move around from place to place, I cannot help but leave a piece of my heart behind, I am suddenly aware that this is because my heart is left those I love that are still there.

Funny, I just reread that paragraph and it actually makes me sound like I don't like where I am, but its actually the opposite. I have fallen in love with DC. I have fallen in love with NCC and Ebenezers. But most of all, I have fallen in love with the people here. I was trying to explain to an old friend over the holidays that I don't mind working long hours because I get to work with the very same people I'd want to hang out with anyway. While I have no idea how long I will get to do this, I am just in the mode of trying to soak up as much and as many experiences as I can, while I can.

Next week, I am supposed to answer the question of what else I'd like to get out of my experience as a Protege. I honestly am not sure how I am going to answer that question. I already feel far more blessed than I deserve. I have already had so many amazing experiences that I cannot begin to ask for more.

So yes, there is something different about me. I have taken time to let some of my time here sink in and I could not be more thankful. I feel content and expectant at the same time. I cannot wait to see what could possibly be next. While it has not all been easy here in DC, it has already changed me for the better and I'm only a quarter of the way in.

So yes, yes there is something different.

Oh...and I have bangs.

Friends

I've been meaning to write this blog post for a couple of weeks now but I'm just now getting around to it. Anyway, I heard something someone said one day, sort-of in passing, that has the potential to change lives. We had a musician perform at Ebenezers a few weeks ago, Justin McRoberts. Between songs he told some stories. It was in the midst of one of these stories, when he said something that shook me to the core. He said that being a musician he travels a lot and constantly is meeting new friends. Then, almost as a side note he added that he has come to realize that there are no strangers, only friends, some you know well and some you haven't met yet. He said he views everyone as a friend until they prove otherwise, rather that vice versa.

Go ahead...read that again. Now think about it.

If you adopted that mentality how would that change your interactions with others? How would change how you viewed others? Don't we give our friends a pass when they are grumpy and assume there is a reason for their mood? If our friends ask of for something don't we try to give them what they need? Don't we forgive their quirks or neurotic tendencies? Instead of viewing the guy that just cut you off as a jerk, don't we just laugh it off if it's our friend? Don't we confront our friends when they need to be confronted and protect when they need to be protected?

For the last couple of weeks, I've been pondering this concept. I truly think that having this slight shift in mentality could be life altering. Truth is, it's really hard to do, but I'm praying that I can make it second nature. I want to stop seeing strangers and begin to see friends, old and new.