Goals

I've recently been talking a lot about goals with people. This consists mostly of the other person listing some of their goals and me internally panicking while preparing for the inevitable question. What are some of your goals?

It's not that I don't have goals. I do. They just look a little different sometimes. For example, I cannot bring myself to set a goal to have my mortgage paid off by the time I am 55 when I do not yet even have a mortgage. It's just not how I am wired. My goals are often more theoretical in nature...more like themes. This does not usually fulfill the other person's expectations of a proper goal however; this has proven to be the source of frustration for both of us.

I desperately have tried to be that person that says I'm going to school for blank so that I can become blank and do blank and blank. (Upon rereading that last sentence I realize that it doesn't sound as innocent as I meant it but I think you get the picture.) The honest truth is however, I'm secretly glad I'm not one of those people. I had romanticized the the notion in the past but what could be more exciting than not knowing the future? So far, it's actually worked out pretty well and it's taking me some crazy places that I would not have planned for. I also would not have added them to a goal list, because I probably wouldn't have thought of things like "graduate from Southeastern University," "move to Columbus," or even "move to DC and work for a church on Capitol Hill." And even though it wasn't formally on my "goal" sheet it seems to have happened anyway.

I used to think that if I ever married that it had better be to a man that had a distinct pattern for life so that one of us would possess some direction. Now, I actually think the opposite might be a better fit. My life has been pretty crazy and I can only imagine that it will keep being so, so I might as well try to find someone willing to join me in this crazy ride rather than stabilize it. And besides, I do have direction, its just more of a turn by turn type of direction rather than the entire zoomed out Google map.

I don't think goals or resolutions are bad, I just feel that mine may not look like everyone else's. And that...that is okay.

Catalyst thoughts...

As a mentioned before, the theme of Catalyst was "the tension is good." It's funny how something so basic can be so crucial to hear at times. Personally I struggle with the tension of what I want to call my "career." I desperately want to be one of those people that said in high school, "I'm going to be nurse." So they went to college to study nursing and now they are nurses and most likely will be until they retire. I want to be that person...but I am not. Truth is, I graduated from college almost five years ago and I still cannot say with one hundred percent certainty what I will do with my life. There are some things I know of course, but they never seem sufficient when I am trying to explain my life's goals to another person.

People assume that my plan is to open a coffeehouse. This is not a bad assumption by any means, and honestly it may very well happen some day. I love coffee and I have a passion for using that medium to reach the community, to foster relationships and better the lives of those involved in the entire coffee process (ie. Fair Trade beans). But when I look at my life, I am not sure that that is the end of the story.

I am equally as passionate about the church as I am about coffee. I love seeing the church come together and work toward a common goal. I believe that the church does not need to be irrelevant in today's culture but I also believe that some significant changes must occur so that the church remains authentic and a vital part of the community. I almost studied Industrial and Organizational Psychology or Sociology in grad school so that I could work towards being a consultant of sorts for churches to help them reach out to the community. (I ended up studying something else but that's a long story.) I feel that the church often ignores these sciences and therefore knows nothing about the people they are trying to help. My thought was that I could utilize the very same tools that the business world seems to have conquered but use them as a way to genuinely help people. Instead of understanding people so that we could sell them a product, we could use that understanding to connect and really impact a church's community. It would also be used as a way to unify those working together inside a church so that a church staff could use tools like personality profiles to help understand one another and relate better...in the hopes that this could avoid the ugly conflicts that all too often tear apart churches.

The truth is I still want to do both of these things. I currently work in a coffeehouse that gives all profits back to the community and missions projects around the world. And I love it. But ultimately my heart still has a soft spot for the church and for making the church reflect the church of the New Testament.

Honestly, this dichotomy can get rather frustrating to someone like me. I'm a thinker but sometimes thinking doesn't solve the problem. Perhaps though, I am not meant to solve this "problem." Beth Moore said something at Catalyst that really resonated with me. She said to make sure we do not commit to a particular ministry field but just to commit to God and the rest will take care of itself. I needed to hear that. So that's my plan for the next year...to commit to God and learn as a much as I can about as many things as I can. I don't know where that will leave me in a year but today I'm going to try and take the advice of Jesus and just worry about today and let tomorrow worry about itself.

Catalyst 2010

Last week the entire NCC staff packed up and flew to Georgia for the Catalyst Conference. It was incredible. The entire time was constant stimulation and honestly a bit hard to digest while we there. I am the type of person that needs a few minutes alone in quiet to process tough new information but that is not the dynamic of Catalyst. In the "down time" there were knives being thrown and a man shooting out of a cannon...not exactly relaxing reflecting time.

So in this past week since I've been home I've been trying to take time to review my notes and internalize the great things I heard. It's funny because I think some of the things that hit me most were the things that speakers said as a side note or off the cuff, not the actual topic of their discussions.

I also had a moment that as I sat there I realized that I get to be apart of something amazing. Obviously I have repeatedly had that thought since being in DC, but something about being in an arena full of people that are there for a common goal, does something for my soul. My heart longs for unity and for people that are willing to set aside differences to really reach the world. One moment that will stick in my mind for quite awhile is when Gungor was on stage. It was the end of the song Beautiful Things (which has been a favorite of mine for awhile now), when they just entered into this beautiful instrumental form of worship. I took a second to look around the arena and watch as all these people poured their hearts out to God. It was truly beautiful and I think it completely embodied the spirit of the song. We are all so flawed but God has taken us and turned us into something beautiful...a reflection of Him. I think I will be wrestling with some of the things I heard last week for awhile and I'm sure I will blog more about that, but I am hoping that feeling of unity is one that sticks.