Last week I had the privilege of joining the NCC staff and heading south for the Catalyst conference. This was my second year going and it was incredible. I remember leaving last year feeling like I had a lot to process and work through, but this year was a bit different. I've been home a couple days now and I've had some time to process the things I heard while I was there. I heard amazing, inspiring and challenging speakers. I had great times to talking things over with friends. I've caught up on the sleep I lost. But something is different.
Something has left me raw.
I'm not one to enjoy feeling vulnerable. I like to keep myself protected, maybe even hidden at times. But this new rawness is refreshing. My guards are down and instead of feeling like a free fall like I would expect, it feels like I'm floating on the ocean watching the pelicans fly above me. It's relaxing and invigorating at the same time. I know this might sound crazy to a few of you, but I feel like I experienced God in a completely new way. And its left me different (as it should I suppose.)
My mind has been racing for the last few days.
How can I be better? That's what I keep coming back to. How can I better today than I was yesterday? How can I be a better friend? Daughter? Sister? Manager? Coworker? Encourager? Giver? Servant?
How can I love more?
How can I better follower of Christ today than I was yesterday?
I am in the process of making some changes.
My prayer for awhile now has been that God will break my heart for what breaks His. Well...now it is time for the next step in that. My prayer is that God can open my eyes to ways that I can be better today than I was yesterday. To have a broken heart is no good if you don't actually do anything about it. So here I go. I feel that little by little I'm seeing the possibilities and I long for them. So...I am going to be making some changes...changes for the better.
I'm writing this here so I have a record of this. I know that in the future I will be discouraged (and when I say future, I might actually mean by Friday) so I need to remind myself that its a process. And maybe just one of you would like to join me in this? We don't need to have it all figured out today, we just need to be better than we were yesterday, and tomorrow be a bit better than today. Imagine if we all could actually keep that pace. There will be set backs of course, but I'm praying that God helps us, keep taking steps...no matter how small...forward.
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