Bangs

So today was my first day back to work after the craziness of the holidays. I had several people stop and ask, "Is there something different about you?" "Did you cut your hair?" or "What's different?"

Bangs. That's what's different. I left with long misshapen sorry excuses for bangs and returned with properly formed bangs. But that answer didn't seem to satisfy the people asking. They assumed there was something else. I assured them that I only had a haircut no Christmas plastic surgery. As I thought about it though, I realized that there was something (besides my new bangs) different about me today. For the first time in awhile, I felt content.

It's not that I haven't felt content for quite awhile now but I think I've been too busy to notice. Today...I noticed. It started when I was driving back to DC last night. The past couple weeks have contained more hours of driving than I would have liked but last night my drive felt different. As I got closer to home I expected to feel a bit of the inevitable dread that usually comes when ending vacation and resuming real life. Instead, I felt excited and peaceful. I was home. And I was thoroughly looking forward to returning to work. It had been a really long time since I felt like that. That same excitement continued as I got ready for work and even as I walked to work. Weird.

I started to notice some of this just before I went home for the holidays. I was feeling a tad homesick. But as I thought about it, I realized that really I just missed my family and friends. Home no longer felt the same as it once did. I used to long for a particular place, but now the word "home" had a different definition to me. The song "I'll be home for Christmas" had a new meaning for me this year. "Home" is my family. Places are great but they are not what I long for when I've a had a rough day. While I believe that as I move around from place to place, I cannot help but leave a piece of my heart behind, I am suddenly aware that this is because my heart is left those I love that are still there.

Funny, I just reread that paragraph and it actually makes me sound like I don't like where I am, but its actually the opposite. I have fallen in love with DC. I have fallen in love with NCC and Ebenezers. But most of all, I have fallen in love with the people here. I was trying to explain to an old friend over the holidays that I don't mind working long hours because I get to work with the very same people I'd want to hang out with anyway. While I have no idea how long I will get to do this, I am just in the mode of trying to soak up as much and as many experiences as I can, while I can.

Next week, I am supposed to answer the question of what else I'd like to get out of my experience as a Protege. I honestly am not sure how I am going to answer that question. I already feel far more blessed than I deserve. I have already had so many amazing experiences that I cannot begin to ask for more.

So yes, there is something different about me. I have taken time to let some of my time here sink in and I could not be more thankful. I feel content and expectant at the same time. I cannot wait to see what could possibly be next. While it has not all been easy here in DC, it has already changed me for the better and I'm only a quarter of the way in.

So yes, yes there is something different.

Oh...and I have bangs.

Friends

I've been meaning to write this blog post for a couple of weeks now but I'm just now getting around to it. Anyway, I heard something someone said one day, sort-of in passing, that has the potential to change lives. We had a musician perform at Ebenezers a few weeks ago, Justin McRoberts. Between songs he told some stories. It was in the midst of one of these stories, when he said something that shook me to the core. He said that being a musician he travels a lot and constantly is meeting new friends. Then, almost as a side note he added that he has come to realize that there are no strangers, only friends, some you know well and some you haven't met yet. He said he views everyone as a friend until they prove otherwise, rather that vice versa.

Go ahead...read that again. Now think about it.

If you adopted that mentality how would that change your interactions with others? How would change how you viewed others? Don't we give our friends a pass when they are grumpy and assume there is a reason for their mood? If our friends ask of for something don't we try to give them what they need? Don't we forgive their quirks or neurotic tendencies? Instead of viewing the guy that just cut you off as a jerk, don't we just laugh it off if it's our friend? Don't we confront our friends when they need to be confronted and protect when they need to be protected?

For the last couple of weeks, I've been pondering this concept. I truly think that having this slight shift in mentality could be life altering. Truth is, it's really hard to do, but I'm praying that I can make it second nature. I want to stop seeing strangers and begin to see friends, old and new.

Planning Retreat 2010

Today is our first day back to work after two days away at our Planning Retreat. I'm sure I am not alone in my feeling a tad bit overwhelmed. We came up with some great stuff the last couple of days...but now we need to find the time to actually implement these things!

The retreat consists of the entire NCC staff driving up to Baltimore and spending two days dreaming and planning for the next year. Each person's time is split between personal planning time and group planning time.

When I first heard about this...I had no idea what in the world I would be able to contribute. I tend to be more creative when I am provided with some sort-of framework, so at first this entire idea was incredibly intimidating. It turned out to be wonderful however, and my department mentors were able to provide me with just enough framework to really help me envision some pretty cool things for the future. It turned out to be a great couple of days.

I am thankful to be a part of a church that is willing to be such an emphasis on planning. And not only planning...be reevaluating. Each department looked at what they were currently doing and evaluated what was working and if it wasn't...they were willing to eliminate it. That principle is such a part of the NCC core and is something that drew me to them. The idea that just because it has become tradition or we are comfortable with it, does not mean that we need to continue it, or that it is the best way to do things. I think that takes incredible bravery to nix something that may just not be as good as it could be. I love that.

I heard about some really amazing projects and ideas this weekend. I am so excited to see these things come to fruition. It's inspiring to watch the process of God breathing new, beautiful ideas into us and helping us to move forward with those promises. I am blessed to have a job that I honestly cannot wait to get started on my new projects and watch as others begin theirs as well.

Good for the Soul Friends

This weekend I got to spend time with some friends from college. It was a blast. They are the people in my life that we can literally not contact one another for months but as soon as we do its like we've hung out everyday since the days of Southeastern.

One of the best parts of having friends like that is seeing the evolution that takes place in a person in the years immediately following college. The main reason we decided to get together (besides the fact that it had been far too long) was that our one friend had a baby. A beautiful beautiful baby.

Stuff like that made me reflect on the past and remember the first time she had even ever mentioned this guy, who would become the father of her child. I remember it clearly; we were walking to class and she casually mentioned she had gotten a letter from Bruce. Our other friend and I of course made her back up and explain who this "Bruce" character was, why he was writing her letters and why we had never heard of him before. It's funny to remember that so vividly and then to be sitting in their living room cooing over their new baby.

With both of these dear friends I have watched as their college romances have blossomed into beautiful marriages. I've watched as they have matured and seen subtle changes that have helped them become one with their spouses. As a single girl myself, I am thankful that I have such great examples of marriage in my closest friends. They are inspiring. And as we move to the next phase and I watch as they step into the roles of motherhood, I can only be proud.

These are the kinds of friends that are good for the soul. I wish we could get together every week but we all seem to be drawn to different corners of this country. So for now, I will just cherish the opportunities we get to spend time with one another.

I truly believe that their friendship was a gift from God to me. On the surface the three of us are very different but we seem to relate at a much deeper level than most of my other friendships. I believe the Bible calls it "iron sharpening iron." If you have those friends and you haven't called them in awhile...call them, schedule a visit. And when you get together, laugh and encourage one another. Seriously. Go call them. It will be good for your soul too.

Goals

I've recently been talking a lot about goals with people. This consists mostly of the other person listing some of their goals and me internally panicking while preparing for the inevitable question. What are some of your goals?

It's not that I don't have goals. I do. They just look a little different sometimes. For example, I cannot bring myself to set a goal to have my mortgage paid off by the time I am 55 when I do not yet even have a mortgage. It's just not how I am wired. My goals are often more theoretical in nature...more like themes. This does not usually fulfill the other person's expectations of a proper goal however; this has proven to be the source of frustration for both of us.

I desperately have tried to be that person that says I'm going to school for blank so that I can become blank and do blank and blank. (Upon rereading that last sentence I realize that it doesn't sound as innocent as I meant it but I think you get the picture.) The honest truth is however, I'm secretly glad I'm not one of those people. I had romanticized the the notion in the past but what could be more exciting than not knowing the future? So far, it's actually worked out pretty well and it's taking me some crazy places that I would not have planned for. I also would not have added them to a goal list, because I probably wouldn't have thought of things like "graduate from Southeastern University," "move to Columbus," or even "move to DC and work for a church on Capitol Hill." And even though it wasn't formally on my "goal" sheet it seems to have happened anyway.

I used to think that if I ever married that it had better be to a man that had a distinct pattern for life so that one of us would possess some direction. Now, I actually think the opposite might be a better fit. My life has been pretty crazy and I can only imagine that it will keep being so, so I might as well try to find someone willing to join me in this crazy ride rather than stabilize it. And besides, I do have direction, its just more of a turn by turn type of direction rather than the entire zoomed out Google map.

I don't think goals or resolutions are bad, I just feel that mine may not look like everyone else's. And that...that is okay.

Catalyst thoughts...

As a mentioned before, the theme of Catalyst was "the tension is good." It's funny how something so basic can be so crucial to hear at times. Personally I struggle with the tension of what I want to call my "career." I desperately want to be one of those people that said in high school, "I'm going to be nurse." So they went to college to study nursing and now they are nurses and most likely will be until they retire. I want to be that person...but I am not. Truth is, I graduated from college almost five years ago and I still cannot say with one hundred percent certainty what I will do with my life. There are some things I know of course, but they never seem sufficient when I am trying to explain my life's goals to another person.

People assume that my plan is to open a coffeehouse. This is not a bad assumption by any means, and honestly it may very well happen some day. I love coffee and I have a passion for using that medium to reach the community, to foster relationships and better the lives of those involved in the entire coffee process (ie. Fair Trade beans). But when I look at my life, I am not sure that that is the end of the story.

I am equally as passionate about the church as I am about coffee. I love seeing the church come together and work toward a common goal. I believe that the church does not need to be irrelevant in today's culture but I also believe that some significant changes must occur so that the church remains authentic and a vital part of the community. I almost studied Industrial and Organizational Psychology or Sociology in grad school so that I could work towards being a consultant of sorts for churches to help them reach out to the community. (I ended up studying something else but that's a long story.) I feel that the church often ignores these sciences and therefore knows nothing about the people they are trying to help. My thought was that I could utilize the very same tools that the business world seems to have conquered but use them as a way to genuinely help people. Instead of understanding people so that we could sell them a product, we could use that understanding to connect and really impact a church's community. It would also be used as a way to unify those working together inside a church so that a church staff could use tools like personality profiles to help understand one another and relate better...in the hopes that this could avoid the ugly conflicts that all too often tear apart churches.

The truth is I still want to do both of these things. I currently work in a coffeehouse that gives all profits back to the community and missions projects around the world. And I love it. But ultimately my heart still has a soft spot for the church and for making the church reflect the church of the New Testament.

Honestly, this dichotomy can get rather frustrating to someone like me. I'm a thinker but sometimes thinking doesn't solve the problem. Perhaps though, I am not meant to solve this "problem." Beth Moore said something at Catalyst that really resonated with me. She said to make sure we do not commit to a particular ministry field but just to commit to God and the rest will take care of itself. I needed to hear that. So that's my plan for the next year...to commit to God and learn as a much as I can about as many things as I can. I don't know where that will leave me in a year but today I'm going to try and take the advice of Jesus and just worry about today and let tomorrow worry about itself.

Catalyst 2010

Last week the entire NCC staff packed up and flew to Georgia for the Catalyst Conference. It was incredible. The entire time was constant stimulation and honestly a bit hard to digest while we there. I am the type of person that needs a few minutes alone in quiet to process tough new information but that is not the dynamic of Catalyst. In the "down time" there were knives being thrown and a man shooting out of a cannon...not exactly relaxing reflecting time.

So in this past week since I've been home I've been trying to take time to review my notes and internalize the great things I heard. It's funny because I think some of the things that hit me most were the things that speakers said as a side note or off the cuff, not the actual topic of their discussions.

I also had a moment that as I sat there I realized that I get to be apart of something amazing. Obviously I have repeatedly had that thought since being in DC, but something about being in an arena full of people that are there for a common goal, does something for my soul. My heart longs for unity and for people that are willing to set aside differences to really reach the world. One moment that will stick in my mind for quite awhile is when Gungor was on stage. It was the end of the song Beautiful Things (which has been a favorite of mine for awhile now), when they just entered into this beautiful instrumental form of worship. I took a second to look around the arena and watch as all these people poured their hearts out to God. It was truly beautiful and I think it completely embodied the spirit of the song. We are all so flawed but God has taken us and turned us into something beautiful...a reflection of Him. I think I will be wrestling with some of the things I heard last week for awhile and I'm sure I will blog more about that, but I am hoping that feeling of unity is one that sticks.